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Sunday, March 27, 2005 

Blogging - convenient or avoidance?

I got out of bed and took a shower finally. Then I started some laundry and washed a few dishes, took my garbage downstairs, and let Daive pee. Sadly, that is ALL I did today. And that was all in the past two hours. However, I feel rested, am not cramping as badly as I was earlier, and my mind feels...it feels a lot closer to sane on the spectrum than it did before.

So now I'm going to delve into an issue I was just mentioning in an email to one of my friends. I have an account at another blog-like website because one of my friends has a journal there, and I had to sign up to be able to read hers. Anyway, I had the fleeting thought of posting more personal stuff there, for a select few to read. Then I realized, anything too personal to put here, I would only want a handful of people to read it. And at first I was ascribing the entire thought to laziness - it's easier to post it and let others read it at their convenience than to email people. But then I had another thought - I'm going through some struggles right now with internal issues being brought to the surface and addressed (or trying to address them). It's really quite difficult, but how that relates to here is that one of the hardest things for me to do sometimes is to admit my neediness. And it's so stupid, because all the people closest to me are aware of how I'm needy and when I'm needy. It's only me that's in denial about the whole thing. I think that the internet in general can be helpful in avoiding that. Could it be the death of all face-to-face meaningful relationships? I doubt that, and I'm sure older generations would be amazed at the thought of different levels of intimacy in such a seemingly indifferent mode of communication, but I think there is. I also think I'm tired and stopping just short of making good sense at this point, so I'm going to end it, and perhaps elaborate later (if my thoughts ever are organized or become coherent). Night!

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