Kimchi, not for me

It’s nice to be the one telling the story, because I can creatively edit the story to (hopefully) force all that read to experience it with me, as close as possible to how I experienced it.

So, meet Cooper. He’s the missions intern at my church. He was born in Seoul and grew up in the United States. The first Sunday I went to church there he was giving a testimony about a mission trip to Cambodia he had recently returned from. The trip obviously didn’t go as expected, and I was struck by how sincerely he spoke of how the trip ended up while also expressing a confidence that God’s purposes were accomplished. Since it was my second week in the country and my first time at the church, I was rather overwhelmed and thought nothing more of it.

Long story short, I decided to join the class on missions that the church was offering. Of course, being the missions intern, Cooper was the one I had to see. We briefly talked theology, discussed Israel (I was wearing my TAU sweatshirt), and then I ended up skipping out on what would have been my first class because of my dog. The next Sunday I actually went to class, and it was quite exciting. The class was fairly large, the discussion was good, and I enjoyed myself. Cooper introduced me as a theology major, so I was determined to keep my mouth shut during the majority of the class. However there was this one question that I was just DYING to answer. Without me moving a muscle or saying a word, he actually called on me, and asked if I’d like to try to answer the question. During class I had noticed that he had a commentary by John Stott. After class I asked him if he had a good library here, and when he said yes, I immediately began begging him to let me borrow a few books. He said yes, and said we’d set up a time to meet up for that purpose later on. That was that, class was over, so I walked out to the bus that makes trips to the subway station so everyone doesn’t have to walk (far too cold for that). I was sitting in the bus, waiting for it to fill up, when I saw Cooper and his roommate walk out of the building and get on their motorcycles. (!!!!) I know I don’t really have to say this, but anyone who knows me knows that I have a thing for bikes. Well, that was it. Within the span of about an hour I had decided that I had met the man of my dreams. He was sarcastic but not mean, intelligent but not snobby, understanding, gentle, he wanted to be a missionary, and (AND!) he rides a motorcycle. I am being dramatic in how I’m writing this, I know, but you have to understand, when I called Bethany and told her all this, and then told her about the motorcycle, I believe she gasped – or something along those lines. Seriously, at first glance it looked like this guy had been MADE for me!

Well we talked some during the week on yahoo messenger and such. He said that he would be speaking at the early morning service, and if I could get up that early, he’d bring the books then for me. Being in the throes of...I don’t know what, I agreed to go to the service that STARTS at 6:30. Factor in the subway ride and the getting-ready time, and it has me getting up before 5:00 AM – something that is extremely rare. But I did. It actually is a landmark day if for no other reason than the fact that I was wearing more layers of clothing that morning than I ever have in my entire life. Anyway, I am on my way. The church is about a fifteen-minute walk from the Subway, and it was so far beyond cold that I didn’t know what to do with myself. As I was turning off the main road onto the smaller road that leads to the church, I ended up stuck behind an older man. In Korean culture, the older people (not even elderly, just older than YOU) get all the rights and privileges. This man was walking slow and was taking up all the space there was to walk. I was pacing around behind him rather impatiently, certain I would be late for the service when...guess who should pull up beside me on his bike. At this point I was already beyond Cloud Nine...and then he spoke the two words that, temporarily, changed my life, and permanently (at least so far) altered my idea of what I want in a man. He said:

That’s it. If he had said, “Want a ride?” or “Here, hop on,” it would have been entirely different. But no. He said, “Get on.” And so, of course, I did. Forget that the ride was less than two minutes. Forget that it was FREEZING cold outside. Forget that we had to go over way too many unpleasant speed bumps. It was amazing. It was like a scene out of a movie, if someone was ever forced to make a movie about my dreams. It was...unspeakable.

So...allow me to burst everyone else’s bubble by saying that, within an hour of said blissful moment I found out that he is engaged (obviously not to me, either). At first I hated myself for being so...affected by the moment. But then, after further reflection (AKA, thinking obsessively about this and a few other things) I came to an altogether different conclusion – or rather, a number of conclusions.

1. Cooper seems to embody all I thought I wanted in a man. He really does. And so with that thought in my little emotional mind and romantic heart, I was lovesick (in a sense of the word) for days. But in reality, I’ve realized by God’s grace that He sees better and He knows better for me than I do. There’s no glaring personality flaw in Cooper that I know of that makes me say this – I assure you it is not said out of bitterness. But if God’s plan does include me getting married, it’s to someone far better suited for me than Cooper, even if my husband doesn’t ride a motorcycle.

2. While I’m sure Cooper didn’t think much about saying “Get on,” as opposed to any other instruction/invitation telling me that he would give me a ride, the essential fact of the matter is that confidence is attractive. I find confidence and leadership skills and ability in men attractive. Especially within the church, thanks to the influence of feminism creeping in, men aren’t sure how to be leaders. I’m not anti-woman – I am a woman, and to be against women would be utter foolishness. But I am quite confident of the reality that femininity and biblical womanhood are liberating rather than stifling concepts. (Mind you, there is a huge distinction to be made between male headship and male dominance – but that’s for an altogether different discussion. Feel free to email me about it though, if you’re interested or feel so inclined to argue. I miss good irenic discussions.

3. My heart has been in a somewhat reserved state for the past couple months – for how long and for whom is really of no consequence to my discussion here. With that in mind, meeting Cooper and pretty much every moment up until I found out that he was engaged, it called the reserved state of my heart into question. And now I’m not sure what to think in any particular direction – that’s really the only reason I feel comfortable enough to post this. The idea that I want to get across as being my third point here is that my “get on” experience has chiefly shown me that God does know what’s best for me. Cooper’s obviously not the one for me, and it’s beyond my abilities to say who else is or is not. But this experience has definitely been used by God to give me the grace to trust Him with my heart more than before.