Kimchi, not for me

Rickie has started a discussion about tattoos and tattooing over at his site. I commented, and what I said just got me thinking even more. I want to expound more on it here, because I can and won't feel bad for taking up space on his comments, but I'm conflicted. Here's why:

1) I think about myself too much and God too little. I'm very self-centered.

2) I think about myself mostly negatively, but it's a constant worrying, self-deprecating (which fuels my sense of humor about myself often) kind of thinking...I find that when I want to compliment someone I usually add something about my inability to do/be/achieve/etc. whatever it is I'm complimenting them on. And it annoys me (about me, that is). Beyond that, though (which is actually a little off the point...imagine) I just think about myself too much. Kylie told me tonight that I worry so much about being screwed up that I make myself that way. She has a point. I found that, in the past, when I was on a self-improvement kick (emphasis on self) I not only made no progress towards being more mentally and emotionally healthy, but if anything, actually regressed. I find that it is only through seeking God that I am healed internally. It is because of that that I am hesitant to post any more of my thoughts about my tattoos. I also don't want to glorify sin (not referring to the tattoos themselves, but internal motives and attitudes that led up to them).

This is why I've been blogging less lately. I'm trying not to take myself too seriously, because when I start to think about my life, I'm quick to point out all the things I do wrong and all the areas in which I fail. There's no balance...it's not as if I can look at my life, then look to God's grace and be grateful. I usually just see my own failure. Which makes me one of the most miserable idolaters ever, because I have absolutely no confidence in my own deity. This might not make a lot of sense to some of you, and to those, please forgive the ramble. These are huge issues within me, though.

3) I just think too much, period. (But then I think about thinking too much, and it all becomes a mental jumble, and I just want to stop thinking...so I go to sleep. Like now.)