Kimchi, not for me

Right now, I'm struggling a lot with deep life questions about life, suffering, humanity, depravity, etc. But I've been prone to take my own opinions too seriously in the past, so I'm trying to express them with more restraint than before. But I want to try to share, to see if maybe it makes any sense or not.

Today, Kylie gave me some instant oatmeal packets she and Donovan didn't want. I tried to make some (of the banana bread kind, not sure what I was thinking). I had a taste of it and became so instantly homesick that I started to cry and couldn't finish it. (That and it was banana, which I hate, and I put too much water in it. But it did make me cry.)

I think I'm going to have to be at least slightly unpleasant tomorrow at work. I'm not looking forward to this. Communication is never easy, a fact I'm basically used to. But when it's a problem, an issue I feel should be addressed and taken seriously, the difficulty/inability communicating becomes even more frustrating.

Then there's this. And the hurricane victims, and the tsunami victims, and north Koreans. In light of all these, I berate myself for crying about oatmeal and whining about my job. I do believe in the sovereignty of God. I understand that God's plan is infinitely beyond what my mind can comprehend. It's not even the question of why bad things happen to good people. It's why I can be so distraught about oatmeal. I struggle so much with perspective, and I try...I really do try. Only since Israel, when I read the newspaper everyday and was horrified at the daily occurrences of men, women, and children (both Israeli and Palestinian) being killed. So I try to always read the news everyday. And I live close to North Korea. Basically, when such terrible things are going on in the world, how do I live? You know? I don't know if I've ever actually expressed this or not, but God has been developing within me a heart for the Untouchables of India. It's a people I think God might have made me to minister to. It's the biggest reason I'm staying in Korea. The longer I stay here, the quicker I can pay off my student loans, and the sooner I can go to India (or wherever God sends me). So I want to go. I want to help...in whatever small capacity I can. But now, what? What now when I'm crying about oatmeal? You know, I have a hard time here figuring out what I can say or how honest I can be without making others feel awkward. I sincerely hope I haven't crossed that "why is she sharing this, I need to go away now" line. But I'm curious. What do you think?