Kimchi, not for me

Well it's changed slightly. But the realization that I alluded to in my last post, I had it on the long plane ride back to Korea. It was simply this: I do not want to be in Korea. Well, since I was already about halfway across the Pacific when I had this realization it was too late to do anything about it at the moment. I cried and cried, and then cried some more. Thankfully the plane was about half full at the most, and so I had two seats to myself, so I could cry without really bothering anyone else.

This is just so awful. When I was in Japan waiting to catch my plane to Seoul, I looked around, saw that I was (yet again) surrounded by Asian people speaking a language not my own, it took everything within me not to burst into tears and set out to find a way back to the good ol' USA.

Needless to say, my first few days back in Seoul were difficult. My boss graciously gave me those days off so my body could deal with the jet-lag (which was, BTW, nowhere near as bad coming here as it was going to the States). I totally needed that time to sleep, but I spent a fair portion of it thinking/dwelling on how very much I did not want to be here.

That was the first realization. The second realization was simply this: I don't have to stay here.

But before anyone calls my Grandma Morton and gets her worked up in a lather, I'm not leaving. The earliest I would/could possibly leave is about March, and honestly, that is doubtful. July is more possible, but at the moment, only a possibility. After going back to work and getting into something of a schedule, the urgency has faded considerably...but not completely.

Right now just seems to be a time of transition/turning point. That's why the decision to stay in Korea or go back to the States is so big - because it says an awful lot about what I understand God's direction for my life to be. And going back to the States would be taking a direction much different than what I have understood God's will for my life to be for some time now.

I've been listening to Carrie Underwood's song "Starts with Goodbye" on repeat, which is slightly embarrassing, but it really is an awesome song, and applicable to my life in a few ways. One of the lines (cannot believe I'm about to quote a country/pop song) "It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye." And that much is true. It's one reason why I think airports and hospitals have so much in common besides the horrible disinfectant smell. And it's also why I've come to love taking pictures of something from a side mirror - for reasons related to Philippians 3:13-14. I can't get Blogger to post a picture like that right now, but I'll do it later.

Anyway, I'm saying goodbye to a few things - my heart is letting go of something it has held onto for too long, and I'm trying to figure out where I'll be in a year...all the while trying to hold it together in the here and now. Anyway, that's enough for now. Thanks for reading.